It’s World Suicide Prevention Day and for the first time ever I’m going to be open and share my truth. When I was 13, I attempted suicide by ingesting handfuls of pills, any and everything from my medicine cabinet. I was lonely, unhappy and felt unloved. I was nearly successful. I remember being able to hear but not see very well as darkness closed in. I fell off of the top bunk of the bunk bed I shared with my sister and hit my back on the corner of the stereo. The jolt of pain brought me out of my haze and I slept it off.
I remember the fear in my sister’s eyes and my already fragile heart broke even further. Over 25 years later I still see that look and feel horrible guilt over it. Suicidal thoughts accompanied a mental breakdown in 2013 while I was out of town for school (I was working 50 hrs a week and in a full-time Ph.D program at the time) and I immediately called my home crying and begging for help. When I got home from Chicago I made a beeline to my PCP and she put me on medication and sent me find a therapist.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression most of my life and am finally in a better place mentally and emotionally. I sought help, channeled my anxiety and fear into creative pursuits and things I found productive. I am now allowing myself the grace that I afford to everyone else and practicing self care.
If you need help, if you have thoughts of just wanting the pain to stop, there is a whole tribe of people who will embarace you and stand in the gap for you. My employer Ginger @carebyginger (soon to be Headspace Health) has some great resources that get you on the path to wholeness and wellness.
https://www.ginger.com/activities/strategies-for-coping-with-depression
Peace & Blessings
T. Nicole's Graham Cracker Crumbs 
Somebody Go Get Donny!
Typically I start my day early, whether I want to or not, with personal devotion time, prayer and flexing my arthritic toes for half an hour so that I am able to get up and walk. Typically I leave the ignorance, bigotry and just general jackassery that is happening in the world for later in the morning. But I deviated from my routine and looked at the news earlier than usual and was greeted by 45, President Agent Orange, and yet ANOTHER idiotic tweet.
Why doesn’t an adult take this man’s phone and/or twitter account away from him? He obviously has no one that is willing and ballsy enough to say, “Give me that! WTH dude! You have no chill and no couth! Go eat your Cheerios and watch Ren & Stimpy!”
This is what happens when you let someone with what seems to be a severe, undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder and who is literally disassociated with reality, attempt to run what used to be the most powerful nation in the world. Before you make an attempt to blast me saying that 45 is just confident and “making America great again”, I offer you to look up the diagnosis criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the DSM-V, Psychology Today or any other reputable scientific journal. Read it for yourself and compare what you have seen with your own eyes and heard with your own ears. Not what I’ve interpreted it to be. But you have to be open and willing to accept what comes next. You will have to ready to recognize, accept and act. Narcissists are TOXIC. They take and give nothing back leaving people, places and things in utter ruin as they pass by.
Look at it and let me know what you see… don’t worry, I’ll wait…
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Posted by grahamcrackercrumbs09 on March 4, 2017 in Grinds My Gears, Random Thoughts and Humor, Social Commentary
Tags: Donald Trump, Mental Illness, Psychology, Ren & Stimpy, Steel Magniolias, T. Nicole Graham, Twitter