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Don’t Put Your Labels On Me – Part II

Don’t Put Your Labels On Me – Part II

Here we are yet again… *sigh*

I’ve had multiple instances in the past couple of weeks where someone (in this case WASP / White Anglo Saxon Protestant female manager bolstered by another authoritative WASP woman) automatically assumed I was lying and tried to “catch” me by offering up what they saw as “proof”. I had to write detailed explanations of the circumstances, justify myself and provided my own absolutely irrefutable proof that I was indeed being ethical and truthful from the very beginning. (I.e. I shut this mess down quickly with perfect tact, professionalism and screen grabs.) This was followed by the most insulting five words I’ve heard in recent memory, “Thank you for your honesty.”

Thank you for your honesty?! That insinuates that you assume that everything I say and/or do is fabricated until you feel you have sufficient proof that I’m telling the truth. This coming from the same non-POC people who, when the tables are turned, and I KNOW that non-POC has glaringly lied through their perfectly veneered teeth, tell me to “assume positive intent” or that I “misunderstood” what they said/did/asked/instructed/demanded. I am positive that it was intended to make me out a thief of time, a fabricator of salacious falsehoods and unethical to boot. Nothing there to misunderstand.

To compound all of this and add insult to injury, the earlier exchange is later followed by a backhanded compliment of a recorded WebEx presentation I did 3-4 weeks ago saying, “… it was very professional and easy to follow. I was very impressed with your presentation skills…”. There again are the micro aggressions.

It is automatically ASSumed that we are lying. It is automatically ASSumed that, despite our experience and education, we don’t have the same or better skill set than our white counterparts. And when we prove we ARE telling the truth and we DO have the knowledge and expertise, they are “impressed” with our professionalism and presentation skills. You ASSume because of my milk chocolate hued skin, my Afrocentric name and my love of head wraps that I couldn’t possibly be poised and polished and able to lead, teach, and inform the masses, let alone the white masses. I have to prove to you beyond what is expected of my white counterparts that I AM and that I CAN.

This is what it is to be black in Corporate America. This is what it is to be black in America, period.

#staywoke #resist #DiaryOfAMadBlackProfessionalWoman

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Speak Up! – An Open Letter

Speak Up! – An Open Letter

Update 07/18/17

Since I posted this blog back in March all hell has broken loose

  • Russian interference in our elections, the collusion with Russia by both 45 and 45 Jr. and quite frankly the whole damn lot of 'em
  • Two (2) ACA replacement failures
  • 45 pushing past other world leaders to be in the front for a photograph
  • 45 commenting on President Macron's wife's physical appearance at Bastille Day celebration
  • 45 commenting on an Irish reporter's appearance while on the phone with the Irish Prime Minister
  • 45's hypocritical "Made in America" week when NONE of his products or those of his daughter/personal assistant are made in America
  • covfefe
  • Dozens of other Twitter gaffes

And more today than in March, I and millions of other Americans are resisting and refusing to concede out basic rights.

Come for my birth control and best believe I will leave my kids with you while I work and do everything else I need to do.

Come for my healthcare (I have many pre-existing conditions and chronic illnesses that require constant care and expensive medications) and you will bear the burden of my catastrophic hospital bills (I'm talking hundreds of thousands of dollars) when I'm in ICU because I can't breathe.

If you come for my LGBTQ brothers and sisters I will fight for their right to be whomever they choose to be. I don't care what bathroom someone uses just as long as they clean up after themselves and wash their damn hands. 🏳️‍🌈

Y'all are on notice… don't come for me or mine or attempt to infringe on anyone's rights. I will fight you EVERY 👏🏾 STEP 👏🏾OF 👏🏾THE 👏🏾 WAY👏🏾

Run and tweet that!

An open letter to those who voted for and supported 45:
It's unconscionable that everyone who had a whole hell of a lot to say pre and post election about "Making America Great Again" and that Bernie and Hillary supporters needed to stop whining and get over it are as quiet as sleeping church mice right now. The only sound I hear from that camp are the crickets and blinking peaking out from under blankets, hoping I won't pull back the wool and expose you for who and what you really are. 
There was dissent all over my FB feed. I had to block some people and unfriend others because they, for one reason or another, supported 45. They took what they wanted from what he said (Border security and "bad hombres", repealing the ACA, "putting America first" and all the other slime that poured from his ill-tempered, malicious, hate speech spewing mouth) and ignored EVERYTHING ELSE and had the audacity to say that the other stuff didn't phase them. ("You can just grab them by the pussy", "Nasty woman", "Lock her up"… the list goes on and on and on). The only thing that was important was what mattered to them personally, never giving credence to the millions of others that he offended and harangued. You told us that we should "give him a chance" and our outcries of unfairness and fear where unfounded and that we should stop being butt hurt, get over it and support him. You heckled us as we rallied and protested, called us un-American, unpatriotic and at times said our actions were treasonous. 
Now that you have come to realize what the rest of us knew from the very beginning, you have the unmitigated gall to be silent while the rest of us resist and protest? GTFOH! How dare you! How dare you stay silent and act like none of this was your fault? How dare you creep around and post that you are tired of politics on FB or social media? How dare you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and expect those of us who dissented to begin with to fix this? No…no… hell no! 

You lost your right to silence the minute you put up your first post supporting this inept, deluded, mentally unstable demagogue. (Did you cringe or roll your eyes when I used a second word in this post that you might have had to look up? Yeah, you did. That knowledge came from attending PUBLIC school in Houston,TX… something that with Backwards Betty as head of the Department of Education our children will be missing).  

You need to take responsibility for what you have wrought. You need to step up to the mic, clear your throats and say to the rest of us, "My name is <insert your name here> and due to my own <insert adjective here, such as: selfishness/bigotry/racism/misogyny/xenophobia/homophobia/transphobia/general intolerance for anyone who isn't me> I voted for 45. I am woefully sorry and I see the damage he and his minions have done, both to those who live with the borders of this great nation, and to our allies and our reputation on the international stage. I apologize and I stand with you to fix this!"

But you won't do that, will you? No, you won't because you think admitting you were wrong is a show of weakness. You won't because you can't openly admit your prejudices. You'll swear up and down to any god that you are the most tolerant person ever created. When in reality you prefer separate but equal. Minorities and non-Christians are fine as long as they are not in your neighborhood, attending your children's schools or commingling with you and yours. Your silence far from insulates you from what is going on right now. Your silence breeds further contempt from those of us who refuse to be silenced and shows us your yellow badge of cowardice. 

Step up…speak up…
Step up…speak up…

Step up…speak up…

 

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A Setup for Disappointment

     I see churches, none in particular or that I will name specifically in an effort protect the guilty, that serve up this superficial, “it is all ok” Christianity.  They impress that once you become a Christian, give you life to God, all will be perfect. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again, God will give you the big house, the fancy car and the ideal mate.  Everyone will adore you, you will walk about in gardens of flowers and fruit trees, reminiscent of the Garden of Eden and lounge about all day without a care; and life will be smooth sailing until we all get to Heaven.  I don’t know what kind of dog and pony show these people are running but they are fooling people and this is how believers become despondent, disillusioned and disgusted with the church and with God.  The latter entity is not to blame; it is man who has perpetrated this fraud!  God never promised you that once you gave your life to Him that nothing bad would ever happen to you ever again, that life would be a completely positive experience from here until eternity!  Paul followed the teachings of Christ but was persecuted and wrote of the thorn in his side.  He asked God to remove it and He said “No”.  The thorn is the one thing that sticks with you that doesn’t let your forget that God is God. 

     The unpleasant, irritating and obnoxious things that happen to us are not all caused by nor the fault of the enemy; it is not always the devil out to get you.  Some of the bad things that happen in our lives are pre-destined by God Himself… no, don’t look at me like that!  God has what is in your best interest at heart and no, He doesn’t want to see you suffer.  However, He does allow certain things to happen in order to prepare you, to build your trust in Him and so that you know, recognize and accept that it is only He that keeps you.  Other negative things that happen to us are of our own design, construction and implementation; we are the perpetrators of our fates.  Our entire repertoire of bad decision-making comes from the free will that God granted us upon our creation.  God made us a spirit confined to a fleshy prison.  There is always a war raging within us, the Holy Spirit doing battle against our worldly desires.  There is an old Native American parable that states that within each man are two dogs fighting for dominance, one good and one evil.  When asked which one wins, the person answered, “The one I feed the most”. 

     This is where we get to superficial Christianity.  The Word says, that as we mature as Christians we cannot be only milk-fed like children but must become meat eaters.  Thus, you must take the easy to digest with the more difficult to digest. The easily digested part of Christianity is that God loves us, He loves us so much that He sent His only begotten son, Jesus, to be a sin offering for us.  The only thing that He asks in return is that we obey/keep His Commandments.  The harder to digest part of the Faith is submitting to God’s will for our lives, killing our flesh daily, accepting that even if we believe we are doing everything right, we sill always fall short of the glory of God.  So when you only give the masses superficial “Christian” teachings, you are stunting their growth.  If you feed a child only formula and never move them to solid foods, you are inhibiting their natural progression into adulthood; they will begin to waste away.  The same holds true for us as intelligent human beings, we crave knowledge and understanding. It is only when you take the easy with the difficult that you are cultivated, groomed and moved to be all that God call you to be… Personally I prefer steak over hotdogs any day.

Blessings and Happiness

T. Nicole

 

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Doing Da Butt!

     Everyday most of us ride at least one elevator and know how cramped and uncomfortable they can be.  Some people cringe and close their eyes on long elevator rides, and as soon as those doors begin to open, they lurch forward and out like the devil himself was chasing them.  There are other elevator riders who see an elevator is full but somehow figure that they can squeeze in. Read the rest of this entry »

 

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I Love Someone More Than I Love You…

Hello my Lovelies!  

Something was dropped in my spirit late last night and I couldn’t rest until I put it on paper.    

     I come across people going in and out of bad relationships, carrying baggage around with them until you can’t see them for the issues that they have.  The most common is of course the old adage, “You caused me to have low self-esteem!”  This is where my sympathetic ear turns jaded and I have to lay some things on the table and be real.  This may hurt someone’s feelings, this may cause you to say that I am wrong and how could I even think that way, but know that the truth is the truth, rather you choose to believe it or not.

     With every relationship, whether it be a friendship, familial bonds or romantic in nature (this includes “friends with benefits”- The most asinine of them all) emotions are always involved.  This whole notion of being able to be in a relationship with someone without any attachments is people deluding themselves.  Human beings are emotional creatures; we thrive on interaction, love and fulfillment of purpose.  We have emotional tidal waves at the hint of weddings, births, deaths, commencements and the reaching of milestones.  We anxiously await the day, the hour, the minute that our partner says those three words, “What time’s dinner?”… I jest; the words are “I love you”.  It makes us feel complete and adored and emotionally vested in the relationship.  But when good goes to bad and you begin to be mistreated (this goes for guys and ladies alike) the first words out of your mouth are, “He/she treats me so bad. But I know that he/she loves me and I him/her…”  Then you start to make excuses for the aforementioned bad behavior.  Here’s the truth I was talking about earlier:  You DO NOT make excuses for someone’s mistreatment of you, you DO NOT tolerate being treated less than; doing so makes you an enabler.  For the most part mistreatment of someone generally stems from one of two places, insecurity on their part and/or control issues, both of which show a lack of self-worth.  Otherwise why would it make you feel good to mistreat and/or control someone?  If I’m talking about you say “Ouch”. 

     Then the “You ruined my self-esteem” comment rears its ugly head and you are laying the fault for your lack of self-worth at someone else’s feet.  No, pick that up and place the blame exactly where it belongs, back on you.  Self-esteem is just that… the admiration and regard you feel for yourself.  How you feel about you should not be predicated on someone’s feelings or lack thereof for or about you, nor should it be centered on those things in life that are fleeting ( situations, circumstances, people, places, things).  The respect you have for yourself comes from a place of joy and contentment in your accomplishments, in how you view yourself in relation to what you want from life.  Don’t get me wrong, life is full of heartache and disappointments and I’m the first to admit that being a little depressed when things don’t go the way you would have hoped, is completely ok.  But don’t let that keep you in a place of despair and affect the way you see yourself.  When you are stuck in a place where you know that you are not being treated right, in a place where you don’t feel comforted and secure and you say that you love the other person… take a second to think, who do you love more, them or you?  This helped me once upon a time and I hope that you will take the lyrics to heart and do a little introspection.

Blessings and Happiness

T. Nicole

 

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Who taught you email etiquette?

The day in the life of an HR Professional is varied and quite funny, if you have daily interactions with employee populations and/or if you are a Recruiter.  Per my last post, “I cannot take you seriously with an email address like that” the shock and awe factor with my work is never-ending and a constant source of entertainment.  So the “Grinds My Gears” post for today is directed at those people who send email blast when looking for work.   Read the rest of this entry »

 

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Hell Naw, I’m Not Eating That!

Good Morning my loveliez!

Everyday is an adventure for me and most days I seriously wonder if I am the only one that some of these random ass things happen to.  Apparently my friend Jordy has some random mess happen to him too, so I don’t feel so alone! (Shout out to @therealJordy) So last night I woke up from a much needed and might I say well deserved nap with a craving for James Coney Island (henceforth referred to has JCI- the only hotdog place in Houston). 

I went to JCI and ordered mini corndogs, chili cheese fries, a large Coke© and apple bites.  While I was waiting at the window watching the kitchen, I saw the manager actually dredged MY apple bites in cinnamon sugar with his bare hands!! He packaged my food, came to the window and had the NERVE to try to give ’em to me!!  I kindly said the following:

Me: Sir, I’m not trying to be rude or difficult, but you can keep the apple bites.  You touched them with your bare hands, no gloves or anything. I’m good.”

Nasty Manager: (Looking dumbfounded) Let me make you another order… (Thinking to myself “Hell naw, I’m good, really! I will chock up the loss of $1.69 + tax. Hmm $1.69 versus possibility of food poisoning, E.Coli or Hep c… I’m not that cheap!”)

Me: No, really I’m good.

What the hell was he thinking?  Don’t get ticked off at me because I question your lack of sanitation procedures and just all around nastiness!! Please forgive and excuse the hell out of me if I don’t want to contract your possible communicable diseases!!

Check your food my lovlies, watch folks and sit near the kitchen if you can! You never know what folks may be doing.

Blessings and Happiness

T. Nicole

 

 

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