Hey my lovelies!!

I’m up late and unable to sleep, which is par for the course with me, but I can’t shut my mind off because of what transpired on Sunday. I went to church yesterday after missing choir rehearsal last week due to both a sinus and upper respiratory infection, and I think my tolerance for people’s bad behavior has reached an all time low. When I come into God’s house I genuinely want to be there. It does my heart good to know that I can be beat up and put down by the world Monday – Saturday, but on Sunday can come to a place where I am embraced and loved.

At least that’s how I used to feel. Just as it has been since the first day I stepped foot into this particular church, there was ire, malicious words, false pleasantries and all-around pissy behavior from people who claim to be Christians.

I’m sick of it and it grinds my gears to no end! I’m fed up and frustrated over “church folks” who spit venomous words and have no more love for God than they do for their fellow man. 1 John 4:20-21 (NIV) says “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister”. If you can’t find true Christian compassion and love for me then I’m saddened for you and I pity the life you lead. Even though I am talked about, disrespected, denigrated and dismissed, I would still give these same people my last if they needed it. I still smile and speak even when they look through me; I pretend not to hear them when they make snide comments and purposely exclude me. So here is a T. Nicole original just for them:

In Case You Didn’t Know
” I resent your resentment of me
I take offense to your flippant attitude and mistreatment of my kind nature

You resent the the very thought of me
The quietest whisper of my name sends feelings of ire zing-zagging up and down your spine
The blood in your veins surges, tinting your skin with a vibrant red hue
Pinpricks of envy set every hair on end
Jaws clench and stars dance before your eyes
All sound is drowned out by the pulsing of your heart beating out a rhythm of hate
Biting your cheek the metallic taste of blood swirls, coats your tongue, leaving a bitter aftertaste not easily washed away

You detest my curvaceous form, the sway of my hips and thighs
The melodic timber of my voice, the joyful tinkle in my laugh
The simmering sensuality that dances in the deepest recesses of chestnut brown eyes
Eyes that can read you and everything you try to hide
You resent the depth and breadth of my life, how I carry myself with humility and grace
The way I approach everyday with a newfound exuberance and embrace the experiences of life with an open mind

I care not for your disdain
Nothing has been done to you to warrant your recalcitrant stance on my existence
And yet it remains
As strong, steady and predictable as the tempo of your own heart

In the fullness of time you will see that never was I against you
Never did I harbor ill-will or jealousies towards you
You could have had me as an ally rather than categorizing me as an adversary

The mistake is yours
You’ll understand this when one day you realize that you need me and I’m nowhere to be found”

The moral of my “Grinds My Gears” segment, love ’em anyway. If they despise you without merit, love ’em anyway. If they mistreat you and put you down, love ’em anyway. Pray for those who revile you and treat you as a pariah, they will get their comeuppance when God makes them your footstool my lovelies.

Blessings and Happiness Always

T. Nicole