Happy Sunday my Lovelies!

You will have to forgive me for not postings more this week but I have been very unwell. I didn’t want to say anything but a friend counseled me via email and told me that I needed to blog about my struggle. That by blogging I will be released from the bondage of pain and that I very well may help someone going through the same thing or something similar.
The funny thing is she was coming to me for a bit of advise and ended up advising me instead, so Gerri I thank you for all that you have been for me.

So here it goes: I have confessed in a previous post about the maladies that have plagued and bothered me for more than the last 10 years. I have chronic pain syndrome and Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis, among other illnesses and have become accustomed to struggling from day to day. I have gotten used to altering my routine to allow for time for my joints to function at their minimum capacity. I have been flaring for months now and some days are better than others. When breakthrough pain rears its ugly and malicious head, life becomes that much harder to bear. The threshold of hell feels like it has opened up and threatens to swollow me into its gaping abyss. I have felt like I am about to faint since 2 weeks ago, which is disturbing enough in itself. The past couple of weeks I have been hiding how I feel from everyone except my immediate family. I have cried in private, silent sobs escaping my throat in a bathroom stall at work; I have smiled and dressed the part, for my external will NEVER reflect my internal battle. Internally I am bruised and beaten, clothes bloodied and torn from the fight my body is waging. It was and continues to be so bad that I am not walking but am shuffling, I have worked remotely because it has all been too much to hide effectively and I can’t let coworkers see me distressed. So I cry and sob and call unto the Lord for strength to endure.

I don’t confess any of this for pity or sympathy. I do it so that maybe someone, somewhere may be encouraged and uplifted. Regardless of how I feel it is only God who keeps me and I thank Him for a reasonable portion of health. I will continue to press forward, knowing that the struggle is for my benefit and only strengthens my faith and dependence on God.

Blessings and Happiness

T. Nicole