Hello my Lovelies!  

Something was dropped in my spirit late last night and I couldn’t rest until I put it on paper.    

     I come across people going in and out of bad relationships, carrying baggage around with them until you can’t see them for the issues that they have.  The most common is of course the old adage, “You caused me to have low self-esteem!”  This is where my sympathetic ear turns jaded and I have to lay some things on the table and be real.  This may hurt someone’s feelings, this may cause you to say that I am wrong and how could I even think that way, but know that the truth is the truth, rather you choose to believe it or not.

     With every relationship, whether it be a friendship, familial bonds or romantic in nature (this includes “friends with benefits”- The most asinine of them all) emotions are always involved.  This whole notion of being able to be in a relationship with someone without any attachments is people deluding themselves.  Human beings are emotional creatures; we thrive on interaction, love and fulfillment of purpose.  We have emotional tidal waves at the hint of weddings, births, deaths, commencements and the reaching of milestones.  We anxiously await the day, the hour, the minute that our partner says those three words, “What time’s dinner?”… I jest; the words are “I love you”.  It makes us feel complete and adored and emotionally vested in the relationship.  But when good goes to bad and you begin to be mistreated (this goes for guys and ladies alike) the first words out of your mouth are, “He/she treats me so bad. But I know that he/she loves me and I him/her…”  Then you start to make excuses for the aforementioned bad behavior.  Here’s the truth I was talking about earlier:  You DO NOT make excuses for someone’s mistreatment of you, you DO NOT tolerate being treated less than; doing so makes you an enabler.  For the most part mistreatment of someone generally stems from one of two places, insecurity on their part and/or control issues, both of which show a lack of self-worth.  Otherwise why would it make you feel good to mistreat and/or control someone?  If I’m talking about you say “Ouch”. 

     Then the “You ruined my self-esteem” comment rears its ugly head and you are laying the fault for your lack of self-worth at someone else’s feet.  No, pick that up and place the blame exactly where it belongs, back on you.  Self-esteem is just that… the admiration and regard you feel for yourself.  How you feel about you should not be predicated on someone’s feelings or lack thereof for or about you, nor should it be centered on those things in life that are fleeting ( situations, circumstances, people, places, things).  The respect you have for yourself comes from a place of joy and contentment in your accomplishments, in how you view yourself in relation to what you want from life.  Don’t get me wrong, life is full of heartache and disappointments and I’m the first to admit that being a little depressed when things don’t go the way you would have hoped, is completely ok.  But don’t let that keep you in a place of despair and affect the way you see yourself.  When you are stuck in a place where you know that you are not being treated right, in a place where you don’t feel comforted and secure and you say that you love the other person… take a second to think, who do you love more, them or you?  This helped me once upon a time and I hope that you will take the lyrics to heart and do a little introspection.

Blessings and Happiness

T. Nicole